Temporary Insanity?

12/3/2012

IN LIEU OF INSANITY BLOG...

I was a little underwhelmed (and I felt you all were as well) with my choice for this week's blog. Here's something a little different, and perhaps a little more interesting...

What would you consider to be the ultimate betrayal? In other words, what is the worst thing a friend, family member or loved one could do to forever break your trust?

Brennen Diaz

12/3/2012 10:36:00 am

Trust is hard to come by now a days in the 21st century. The reason being that with social networks like twitter and Facebook allow people to talk to others not face to face and behinds one another's backs. It is a friendships worst enemy. Now, when I hear of the word trust, I think of friends keeping secrets with one another. However, it can vary what trust means to people. I know that trust in war is different than what teenagers in high school think. In war, lives are at stake and your only help is the guy next to you; to trust your life in his hands. Nonetheless, the ultimate betrayal to me is go against what one has said or promised. To tell a person that you won't do this or you will do this and not do it can destroy a friendship. Like I said now a days words face to face are getting less and less. It is important to be a "man of your word" or woman. Now, if a promise has to deal with someone hurting themselves than a good friend would tell another person. Trust must also consist of friends' healthiness. If it is threatened, something must be done. And if that friend is endangering you life that is a slap to the face of betrayal. Trust in one another is the most important thing.

Shayne Fitol

12/4/2012 08:16:37 am

I agree that trust is getting harder and harder to come by these days, and also agree that a lot of that has to do with social networking and the disappearance of face-to-face interaction. People hear a lot about how others can claim to be someone they are not on the internet and things of this nature, and as a result are less trusting of other people. I think that the world would be a much more trustworthy place if everyone was, as you said, a man (or woman) of their word.

Richard Katrenya

12/4/2012 09:07:23 am

Brennen, I mentioned this in my response to this blog as well. Being a man of your word is the most important thing someone can be in today's day and age. We live in a world full of liars, hypocrites, and politicians, and that is why people are always so cautious about trusting somebody and opening up to someone. There is always that thought "will this person betray me" in the back of their mind.

When you trust someone, you are taking a chance for sure, but it is a chance well worth the risk in my opinion. If you and a friend share a bond and trust eachother, that is better than anything in this world. Better than a brand new iPhone, gold, money. Being reliable is the best thing to be.

Christina m

12/10/2012 11:34:32 am

Richard, I agree with your statement that people have a hard time opening up to someone because they are afraid to get hurt/betrayed.

Nick Casablanca

12/6/2012 06:55:07 am

That is a true point, Brennan. I've got to agree with you on that point. It is definitely one of the biggest ways to destroy trust between a friend. Very true.

Richard Katrenya

12/4/2012 09:03:12 am

When I first read this, I'm going to admit it, it took me a long while to actually think of an answer for this. I'm a terrible liar, so I'm not avid in the arts of betrayal.

First off, I'm going to put out there the question of what IS trust? Is it a bond between two people that is formed over time? Is it knowing that someone you care about always has your back? Is it the ability to trust someone with your life? Is it camaraderie? Is trusting someone having the ability to tell them stuff and have them not tell anyone else? Depending on whose perspective we are viewing it from, it can be considered many different things. My opinion, trust is all of the above.

I think it is safe to say though that in society these days, trust does not exist what so ever. Trust has been stepped on, thrown down the toilet, and taken advantage of. Think about it, how many times does one sign a contract saying "I promise not to do this" or "I promise to pay this much this many times a month". How many of us are currently bound by a contract; if it's for a phone, mortgage, etc? It's sad to think of the world we live in today where you have to threaten someone with prosecution in order to keep them trustworthy. But, the same can't be said about friendship.

Trust is hard to gain, and easy to lose. When you trust someone, you're letting your guard down, and in the world of survival, letting your guard down could leave dire consequences. If someone breaks someone's trust, it burns the metaphorical bridge of friendship and it leaves that person cautious, sometimes even too cautious in the end. As I said, that person let his/her guard down for you, so once you burn that bridge down, it will take a long time for that person to gain your trust again. In the back of their mind, there will always be that lingering thought "what if they betray me again"? Trust is precious, a true friend will always be there for you.

In my own experience, I believe lieing is the most terrible way to break someone's trust. Think about it, they are letting their guard down for you, they rely on you. If you lie to somebody, they will cease to rely on you anymore. They trusted you and opened up to you, and they expect the same from you in return. They relied on you to be there for them when they need it, they relied on you to give constructive feedback so one could improve. When you lie to someone, that all changes. Why people lie, I have no idea, but lieing is what brought about all of society's problems regarding trust, turning human beings into the over cautious people we are today.

The only way lieing is acceptable is if it involves someone's life or well being. If someone told me that they might hurt themselves, I'm willing to lose your trust and tell somebody as long as you don't lose your life.

Amanda Donofrio

12/4/2012 02:01:11 pm

Your perception on trust is just as mine. It is lost in society. What is left was hard to get and even harder to keep. I do feel like lying is a great betrayal. For instance, when trusting someone with information and it is released, accidental or not, and lied about the situation is made even worse.

Kara DeVito link

12/5/2012 02:15:50 pm

Richard, I like your point about the world today and how you have to threaten with prosecution in order for them to stay trustworthy. I never thought of it that way, but it's totally true. It's sad when people can't just fix petty things themselves, but need an attorney to do so. This world has gone mad.

Kaitlyn

12/6/2012 11:45:02 am

I like your point about how trust is hard to gain, and easy to lose. I don't think enough people fully realize how their lies can make people doubt them in the future. Maybe if they did, they would be less likely to lie about small things.

Shayne Fitol

12/4/2012 09:14:22 am

People, for the most part, are becoming more and more hesitant to trust other people, and they are not exactly wrong for acting this way. This is happening because people are becoming less trustworthy. With people getting scammed (online or in person), having their identities stolen, getting robbed of possessions, getting lied to everywhere they turn, and getting cheated on by husbands/wives, why should they be trusting of others? What has the human race done lately that says "Look, I deserve to be trusted on a consistent basis!"? I am not saying that no one should be trusted and everyone is your enemy, because that is not true. There are a lot of people out there that are trustworthy and should be treated as such, but a few bad cases ruin it for everyone.

As per my usual, I shall relate this to the world of sports, college athletics in particular, where trust is basically obsolete. It seems like every day either a school will relocate to a new conference or a coach will sign with a new school. Just today, the head football coach at the University of Wisconsin (Bret Bielema) decided to sign with the University of Arkansas, breaking the school's trust just weeks before their biggest game of the year. I believe it was last year that Texas Christian University (TCU), previously committed to joining the Big East Conference in the near future, broke that commitment and decided to join the Big 12 Conference instead. And recently there have been possible talks that two other schools, Boise State University and San Diego State University, already committed to joining the Big East in a few years, may break the trust of that conference and rejoin the Mountain West Conference, whose trust they broke when they announced they were going to join the Big East. The affiliations in college sports are ever-changing. Coaches leave schools whenever they wish, regardless of contracts, just as schools leave conferences, making it nearly impossible for anyone to be trusted. (And as a side note, the conference names mean nothing any more, as schools from California and Idaho are set to join the Big East, the Big 10 has 12 schools, and the Big 12 has 10 schools.)

As for the ultimate betrayal, in my opinion, that would be for one of the people you trust the most, be it a friend, husband, wife, brother, sister, or other family member, to go behind your back or against their word and physically or mentally cause you harm or put you in danger. If you have placed full trust in a person for an extended period of time, possibly for the majority of your life, and then they go against that trust, they are essentially saying that you and your trust mean nothing to them. The amount of pain and devastation that can cause could be, and likely would be, irreparable. This ultimate betrayal would potentially leave you unable to trust anyone deeply ever again. And the person that betrayed you, well, they are likely a lost cause in your mind, never to be believed or trusted again.

Trevor Haigh

12/6/2012 08:11:55 am

Weren't people always hard to trust though? Sure the medium of information transfer has changed from whispering to social networks, but the principle is the same: people like to spread rumors and tell secrets.

As far as the college analogy goes, there have been many accounts where, historically speaking, "allied" groups would betray each other and turn to the other side. It isn't a new thing, you just hear about it more.

Basically, don't trust anyone ever.

Kristina Lacasse

12/6/2012 08:43:41 am

To think that someone you trust would put you in danger is awful. Trust is relying on someone to be there in times of trouble, not to bring times of trouble to you.

Katheryn Byrnes

12/6/2012 09:36:45 am

Shayne, I agree with you that now a day trust is hard to come by because everyone is trying to get more money or want to better themselves or team.

Brennen Diaz

12/4/2012 11:18:18 am

Shayne, well said about trusting less and less these days. That you can not blame people for doing that. Some people in the world try to take advantage of others and the common folk have had enough of it. I also took a liking to your relation with college sports, I completely agree.

Amanda Donofrio

12/4/2012 01:56:02 pm

Teenagers, out of all people, should understand how difficult it is to trust another and to be trusted. In a high school setting it is most common to see lies broken, friends "backstabbing" or rumors being spread. We are constantly surrounded by a world of people who never stop to catch a break. And just like their actions keep moving, so do their mouths. Opening mouths and spilling secrets is a regular for most teenagers. The recipe for betrayal is used and reused wether on purpose or accidental. When you think you've found someone to trust, someone who is reliable, someone who understands the importance of trust just as much as you do, and they end up breaking your trust it is a clear betrayal. You should always be more watchful of what you say when someone who is less conservative or shy is around, for they may hear and spread the word. But for someone who understands the importance of trust to break yours is discouraging. Can you really trust anyone these days? How much faith can you put in one person to hold your secrets? I wonder if it is you at blame for releasing confidential information in the first place or the others who underestimate the importance of your personal information. Whichever it may be, the ultimate betrayal undoubtedly would be when a loved one, friend or family member underestimates the importance of your secrets and reveals them to the outside world. When you least expect something it could be the best or worst situation. When a secret or personal information that is not meant to be common information is revealed, it has the potential to be the worst situation and the ultimate betrayal.

Christina Buswell

12/5/2012 10:47:02 am

Amanda, I completely agree. It is so easy to spill someones secrets without even thinking twice about it. Personally, I would also find it to be the ultimate betrayal if someone were to spill my secrets.

Kyle Blake

12/6/2012 07:26:17 am

I believe not only teenagers know what trust consists of but people in relationships understand well also

Rob Costigan

12/6/2012 10:58:40 am

Amanda, great points in your blog. Can you really trust anyone these days? I sure hope, But it is certainly debatable.

Amber Murray

12/7/2012 12:46:59 am

I completely agree with what you said! I know that I have the hardest time trusting anyone, even my family. Secrets are something that are meant to be kept a private but it's very easy to tell things you're not suppose to.

Victoria Marino

12/7/2012 01:02:20 am

Amanda, I could not agree more. Especially at our age we can so easily spill someone's secrets without even meaning to. Good point.

Kara DeVito link

12/4/2012 02:26:05 pm

Trust can be a very strong, yet delicate thing. When friendships or relationships are filled with trust, there is comfort in being with that person. You feel like the guts that you spilled to them are safe and secure.There is potential for a powerful bond between friends that way. In order to trust, you need to have faith that the person you're being open with will have a tight grip on whatever you give to them. When that trust is broken, however, it's like your personal privacy or your guts have been revealed to the world, and you have lost control of them. They were being held securely in another person's hands, but that person slipped up or maliciously dropped them. When your private business is revealed to the world, people become extremely vulnerable, and it hurts that someone you believed in and had the choice of believing in, hasn't followed through with that trust. It hurts so much because it is uncontrollable, and you almost feel stupid for opening up so much and being vulnerable in the first place. And that's why many shut down and can't trust anyone. They feel that if they never open up to anyone, they don't have to get hurt again. Yet no one can live their life peacefully and happily like that. I believe everyone should have that one true friend who you could tell anything to, and not have to worry about your guts being spilled.

I feel that the ultimate betrayal would be if someone you knew for a long time, and you've invested trust in them, all of a sudden maliciously turned their backs on you. One thing about trusting someone is that your closest friends, with a flick of a switch, could become your WORST enemies, since they have so many of your insecurities, beliefs, stories, and practically whole life in their hands. That would be the ultimate betrayal because many know that it takes time to be able to trust someone, yet no one really knows when the best time is to spill your guts. But if someone you waited to trust for years betrayed you, I, personally, would be done for.

Humans make mistakes too often to put complete trust in everyone. That's why you must take one step at a time, starting with less important things, with each and every piece of life you hand out. And always acknowledge that person's progress. If I can't trust someone with little things, what makes you think I can trust them with big life dilemmas? This world is certainly a complicated one.

Kaitlyn Twombly

12/6/2012 07:19:10 am

Kara, I agree with you 100%. To me, trust is when you find someone who will accept and respect you to the fullest. When that person no longer accepts you and disrespects you by leaking your insecurities and stories, they can become your worst enemy, which is why you have to take one step at a time. Great job on this one.

Christina Buswell

12/5/2012 10:45:30 am

What is trust? It seems as though we all seem to forget the meaning of such a powerful word from time to time. Especially as a teenage girl, trust is hard to gain and so easy to break. Whether it be on purpose or accidentally, trust is broken all the time. I suppose in my opinion, the ultimate betrayal of trust would be when a loved one or a friend uses your secrets against you and makes them common knowledge. When you confide in someone and tell them your inner most thoughts and fears, you expect that that stays between just the two of you. And when that trust is broken, and those secrets come pouring out, it could be devastating. Especially if he or she were to purposely use these secrets maliciously against you to gain advantage in a fight or to backstab you. Once that trust is broken, it is nearly impossible to gain it back. I feel as though we should all value the trusting relationships we have with one another. Betrayal of trust is an awful thing, and often times we take trust for granted. So personally, if someone I trusted were to share my secrets I would find it to be the ultimate betrayal.

Meredith Folsom

12/6/2012 08:31:30 am

I agree with you when you mention the teenage girl part. I feel as if we, as girls, always have to be careful as to who we tell our secrets too. You never know who wants to tell the world your personal information.

Alyssa Ferreone

12/7/2012 01:54:47 am

I agree that is one of the worst betrayals.

Bridget Borowy

12/5/2012 01:24:00 pm

Trust is usually what relationships are based off of. Family members trust each other with their lives, and rely on each other to always be there. Best friends like to be able to trust each other with anything and all things. This is a difficult question to answer. It really depends on the individuals definition of trust, or what the two people involved consider to be trust between themselves. Nowadays, theres a million ways to break someones trust. It can be done purposely or accidentally, too. It could be as little as mentioning something to another that you didn't know the other person didn't want said, or as big as publicizing personal information about them that they had trusted you with.
In my opinion, to break someones trust means to knowingly do something that could cause another emotional harm, or maybe even physical harm? (I wouldn't trust someone who tries to beat me up lol) Trust is broken when people do something that could hurt someone intentially and knowingly. However, its also dependent upon the individual whether or not the trust-breaking event breaks their trust forever or just temporarily. Some people are extremely forgiving, while others are not and some hold grudges for a very long time. Although I believe it is important to be able to forgive considering all human beings make stupid mistakes, I also believe that you must be careful with who you trust, especially nowadays. Sharing personal information with others can be dangerous if they betray you, it can be posted on the internet or forwarded to others which can harm your reputation and even sometimes affect your future.
Ultimate betrayl would be if someone you are close with, i.e family member, life-long friend, spouse, etc, knowingly betrays you. These are the people that by definition should be our best friends and there for us always. I believe when trust in a serious relationship such as these is broken, then they have not only robbed you of your trust in them, but your ability to trust anyone. When these types of people fail to uphold your trust, how can you trust anyone? It becomes difficult to be able to confide in another so deeply again. It instills fear in us. It makes us insecure. These are things that are difficult for us to overcome.
In complete honesty, I put little trust into people. I don't trust anyone completely because I understand that people make mistakes. I expect people to do something wrong rather than trust that they will be the perfect best friend. I am less disappointed this way, and instead more appreciative and proud when people go beyond my expectations. I am also able to forgive. I have found that this way I protect myself from disappointment and fear to trust because I only completely trust myself.

Haley Krivensky

12/6/2012 10:16:37 am

I wish I was as smart as you to expect the worst from people instead of the best. I always get let down or disappointed by people, especially my friends. That sounds sad, but like you said, everyone makes stupid mistakes.

Camille Glasow

12/6/2012 12:30:32 pm

I agree that the only person you can really trust is yourself because whether it be intentional or a mistake, secrets and information can be spilled very easily

Nick Casablanca

12/6/2012 07:05:02 am

Trust is so easily broken these days. It does get harder and harder everyday to give someone your trust. Some people just don't trust anyone at all anymore. It is as if like each day people are just isolating themselves because of this one issue.

I feel different about this though. As much as it pains people when they are betrayed and trust is broken, it teaches you and you learn from it. I don't mind having my trust broken because I take it and move on. I learn from it and it helps build better judgement. In other words, you can't learn or experience anything until you try.

As for the question, there is really no way for me consider anything to be an ultimate betrayal because it is just how I am. I were to be betrayed, I would think nothing of it, forgive whoever betrayed me and move on. It makes my life much easier to deal with. I understand that a lot of people don't feel this way at all but this is who I am about it. It just makes no sense to me why someone would hold onto their anger after being betrayed because it does no one any good in the end. It is better to let go and forgive and move on.

andrew lynch

12/6/2012 09:44:14 am

Trust is easily broken these days, and it’s true that people are becoming more and more isolated each day. It’s partially because of technological advancements in my opinion because people don’t leave home as much

Kaitlyn Twombly

12/6/2012 07:13:42 am

Like many other of my fellow classmates are putting up for discussion, what really is trust? Well, one thing I know is that it a rarity especially amongst the teenaged generation. But the definition of the word trust is probably different for each person who answers this question. For me, trust is when you can put your absolute everything into someone without the fear that they will share information with others and more importantly, that they will not judge you, but rather accept you no matter what. Besides my parents, there is one person that I can confidently say I trust. The ultimate betrayal would be if the one person who does have my trust turned into another one of the thousand people I know that were never worthy of it. There is not one specific way that this may happen though. For me, it may be becoming judgmental and no longer accepting me as a person. For someone else, it may be having a confidential secret let out. The causes of the severing of a trusting bond will differ from person to person, but no matter how it is done, the ultimate betrayal is simply making someone who genuinely did trust in you no longer do so.

Katie Mitch

12/6/2012 02:27:13 pm

I really like your opinion of the word trust. I think you summed it up very well, and i couldn't have said it better myself!

Jessica Fedak

12/7/2012 01:02:39 am

I agree with you completely. The ultimate betrayal is breaking someone's trust.

Ally Caple

12/9/2012 03:16:23 pm

This is so well said. And it's really awesome to know that you can trust your parents, because I know a lot of kids these days can't say the same.

Kyle Blake

12/6/2012 07:24:38 am

Trust is a big part my relationships. Anyone I cannot trust, I am not friends with. With social networking it is very easy to lose a persons trust. The ultimate betrayal for me is if a person talks behind my back. I am very honest and up front with all of my friends. If I think they are doing something wrong, I tell them. They may be mad at first but they eventually come around. I would want people to be honest with me if I was doing something wrong. Talking behind someones back just shows the dihonesty of that person. They cannot be trusted.

andrew lynch

12/6/2012 09:41:04 am

I agree that trust is essential in any form of relationship. Without trust, you can never have friends or family.

Trevor Haigh

12/6/2012 08:05:33 am

I think I'm going to have to go with the obligatory post that the ultimate betrayal is being stabbed in the back... literally. I mean, is there anything worse than being killed by the one you trusted the most, leaving you alive just long enough to sputter, "Et tu, Brute"? Nope.

I feel this is the only acceptable answer for the ultimate betrayal. Sure, someone can post a secret online, but is that really comparable to getting brutally murdered by your best friend? There is nothing that can compare to that. You'll survive if people find out you have a Justin Bieber poster on your wall, but if you're stabbed or shot, well, you won't.

I guess there are things that could make you lose trust in someone forever, but that only satisfies half of the question. You can't get much more ultimate than murder.

Bridget Borowy

12/6/2012 01:11:38 pm

Leave it to Trevor to come up with crazy answers like that! But it is true, I could easily survive a secret being let out than being brutally murdered!

Lauren Barry

12/6/2012 01:48:22 pm

Trevor, the difference of your answer amongst many of the others is really interesting. Taking the question in probably the most literal sense possible shows the difference in peoples' opinion of what trust and ultimate betrayal is makes your answer really stand out.

Steve Mahoney

12/6/2012 02:05:05 pm

Trev, you never fail to make me laugh! You're the only person that would think of this and yes, getting stabbed in the back (literally) is a pretty bad betrayal.

Michaela Ryan

12/6/2012 08:23:58 am

Trust has become somewhat of a lost art in our society today. I find it very hard to come by, and when I think about it, I don't know if there is anyone that I can undeniably, wholeheartedly trust.
I think one of the biggest issues today is that people don't think before they speak. It seems almost natural for people to find themselves conversing about others nearly all the time. This, in a subtle form, is betrayal. And although talking about others destroys their trust, I don't think it is the "ultimate" form of betrayal. The only ultimate form of betrayal I can imagine is death. Two-faced-ness can be forgiven or forgotten. It's simple to get over, but the taking of someone's life, that can never be forgotten. Whether it's a loved one or even the taking of your life, that is betrayal in the highest degree.

Tim Osborn

12/6/2012 02:30:34 pm

I disagree. Trust is not hard to come by it is just the level of trusting someone at which you start at. If you trust some to watch your dog for the weekend as the first thing they have ever done for you and the dog wrecks the house that will be a huge let down. You have to start small

Meredith Folsom

12/6/2012 08:29:53 am

The ultimate betrayal has to be lying. There is nothing worse then when someone lies straight to your face. What is even worse is the feeling you get once you find out they were lying. I feel as if we can all relate to that. It’s a pit in your stomach type of feeling, almost disgust. Because someone who you actually trusted broke your trust by lying to you. Once someone has done that it is very hard to trust him or her ever again. Lying also corresponds with honesty. When people lie they are not honest. It is one vicious cycle that unfortunately continues. One lie usually leads to more lies. It is very hard to have a relationship with anyone who lies because a relationship is built on the foundation of trust. Once you are around that liar you probably feel as if you need to keep your guard up, which is never a good feeling. Like a lot of other people mentioned, broken trust is the worst betrayal. And well, trust is usually broken because of lies.

Kristina Lacasse

12/6/2012 08:39:02 am

Trust is a reliance on the character or truth of someone. As others mentioned, trust in today’s society, real truth is hard to come by. People have to earn trust and it may take a while and one little misstep can cause it to break. With the use of social networking and internet in general, information can be spread so easily. Many people, myself included, are less likely to trust people nowadays due to these reasons.

I think the ultimate betrayal is by someone using your own secrets against you, especially if taken out of context. It is horrendous and flat-out embarrassing. To want to cause to this to someone, is a complete betrayal of any sort of a relationship. Trust includes accepting people and everyone has secrets. That person was lying if they acted like they cared. If that person will easily say your secrets to you, who knows who else they might have slipped it out to. So many things are wrapped up in this betrayal. It is an abuse of trust; someone let their guard to trust them and that is a kick their vulnerability. If you have a problem with someone, have the respect to still respect their secrets. Everyone has them, so that person probably has just a many secrets.

Katheryn Byrnes

12/6/2012 09:23:07 am

The ultimate betrayal that anyone could do to someone is break that trust. To gain a person’s trust is hard, to keep it is even harder, but to lose it is easy. There are many forms of losing someone’s trust, you can tell a secret, betray them, or even go against their wishes. When people tell someone’s secret or even goes against their wishes they usually are forgiven and given a second change. They tell people things that you don’t want anyone to know, they keep going against your wishes, and eventually you cannot trust them anymore. When they betray you then you cannot trust that person again and you shouldn’t.
Many people can betray you and depending on the person who betrays you depends on how deep the wound is. If a family member betrays you then you forgive and forget them because they are family and like the saying goes ‘you can’t choice your family.’ Usually when a friend or spouse betrays you, it is harder to forgive and forget them because they are the ones that you choose to trust and someone you choose to trust should not betray you. Trust is hard to get and come by.

andrew lynch

12/6/2012 09:39:15 am

The ultimate betrayal is something someone does to someone close, even though they know it is going to hurt that person. for example, a couple has been married for 15 years, and then one of them cheats on the other, or friends from birth, one finds out that the other one is talking behind his back about something very personal, or upsetting, or embarrassing. This is my own personal definition of the ultimate betrayal, but as you can see from other posts, everyone has their own opinion on this topic. In today’s world it is very easy to betray someone’s trust, so you just need to be careful, and think before you act. You never want to be betrayed, and either does anyone else.

Jeremiah Burr

12/13/2012 12:40:46 pm

i agree that everyone has their own opinions on the matter and that they each have different ideas on the ultimate betrayal.

Bryan Petersen

12/6/2012 10:19:26 am

Family and friends are always there to support you so something’s that you tell them are not for everyone to hear. You trust them to keep whatever you told them to themselves. To me betrayal is different for family then it is for friends. The ultimate betrayal from a friend would be for them to tell someone a secret you told them and was supposed to stay a secret. For us highschoolers we know that one little thing can be blown up and spread extremely quickly by our peers. So now this secret you told to one of your friends is out and everyone knows about it. This makes talking to them difficult because you have to be careful of what you say because they have a very small amount of your trust.
For family it does not have to be something secret between you and one individual but it can be between your whole family. Once something is said inside of the family it is supposed to stay there. If something gets out that nobody has any reason to know about, that family member has “betrayed” me. I have to deal with all of the repercussions between friends or whoever heard.
Trust is not easy to earn back once it is lost. If you actually think about it, it took all of their life to gain the trust they have with you now. It just takes that one thing to lose that trust you had and will take a long time to gain back. Trust is very important to me as an individual and anyone can tell me a secret and I will keep it that way just because of the morals I have, and respect for other people.

Rob Costigan

12/6/2012 10:56:51 am

All of you bring up excellent points in your blogs this week. Everyone has something to hide. I don't care who you are out there or how badly you've brainwashed yourself into believing you haven't done anything wrong, but everyone has something they've done in their life they're not proud of. And if you're from our generation, you would feel more secure if you told it to someone, someone you think you can trust would never let that secret out of the back of their mind. I think these days, the worst thing you can do is share that information with someone. But the worst betrayal, I believe, is a good friend not talking to you. And I'm not talking about for like a few days or so, but weeks, even months, at a time, due to jealousy. The reason why I'm biased towards this opinion is because it's happened to me just recently. I have had some pretty good success in the past, and I had a friend who wasn't too happy about it. It's sad, yes, because I know most of you would feel great for that friend of yours if they did something great. But there are just people out there that are very materialistic about stupid awards and recognitions. I think something like this could really dishearten someone and even anger some of you, especially over something stupid. And I don't think that's right because you put in hard work for it, and you deserve to be treated better than that. Even take it the next step further; they stop being your friend because of it. It's just so frustrating especially when you've been humble about it that it's almost like you're relieved it's over. So in my opinion, someone taking extreme measures towards you because their jealous and they won't sit down and talk to you about it is the biggest betrayal because you trusted them to settle things like civilized human beings, not toddlers.

Haley Krivensky

12/6/2012 11:28:20 am

Trust is one of the hardest things to gain in a relationship or friendship. It is also one of the easiest things to lose. So easy, in fact, that you may lose it without even realizing. Although it is a tricky thing to deal with, trust is essential in any relationship. If you don't have trust, you don't really have anything. Two people need to have trust in each other just to even express how they're feeling. Granted some people may have different views and standards of trust, but it is still trust nonetheless.
I think that the worst betrayal a friend or family member could do is either lie to me, or expose me and my deepest secrets. Lying is not something most people appreciate, but a lot of people still do it. I lie too. Whether I think about it or not, it happens. It may be just to avoid hurting a friend, or it may be to avoid getting in trouble. I dont like to lie, especially to my friends and family, and I wouldn't want one of them to lie to me. I also wouldn't want someone to tell my secrets to anyone else. If I tell someone something secretive about myself I have to trust them enough to not say anything. If they accidentally say something without realizing it, I can forgive them over time. But if they purposely and knowingly tell someone I can not forgive them. I understand that people make careless mistakes because I do too. But when someone knowingly tells someone else a secret of mine that I trusted them with, that's true betrayal.
Unlike what Bridget said, I have yet to learn how to expect less from the people around me. Instead I expect the best out of them, only to get let down or disappointed in the end. That just causes me to worry about who I can trust, and even be scared to trust people. That being said, it is very important to trust people in order to form relationships but it is also important to be careful of those that you do choose to trust.

Kaitlyn

12/6/2012 11:38:03 am

For me, the ultimate betrayal would be being killed. It may seem obvious, but everything else you can move on from in some way. People have betrayed my trust in them before, sometimes in smaller ways than others, but nothing I couldn't move on from. Personally, I think betrayal is less about the action done against you, but instead the person's motivations to do it. If somebody I trusted would do something that would if they had hurt me for personal gain if they had the chance, I would like them no more than somebody who had actually done so. I like knowing where I stand with people, and lying to me about being a friend, or someone I can trust and confide in would be something that would probably end my friendship with them. Still, people can go on after almost anything happens, unless it kills them. For you to consider something as betrayal, it has to harm you in some way. And there's no kind of harm that is more impossible to undo or fix somehow than being killed.

Camille Glasow

12/6/2012 12:25:27 pm

The ultimate trust-breaker in my opinion is when someone who you love or care for turns on you. I think this is much more common in friendships than in family relationships or romantic relationships because people can become good friends very quickly and end up spilling their guts to someone they no little about. This is the reason that good friends can easily become worst enemies very quickly. Putting trust in a friend, and telling them personal facts about yourself is hard enough, and if they share it with others it can be detrimental to the friendship and hurt feelings. This is also how rumors may get started to further complicate the matter.
Be very particular in who you share personal information with. Especially in this day and age when information can be spilled all over the internet in the blink of an eye. If you don't want everyone to know something about yourself, keep it private. it's the only 100% sure way to keep secrets from spreading. Even if you trust someone, before you tell them something think first... is this really a trustworthy person? Or are they the more gossipy and judgmental type?

DAN MOTT

12/6/2012 01:19:16 pm

I agree Camille. It truly is a shame when they turn on you. I like the fact that you also said to be careful who you share personal info with :)

Jackie

12/6/2012 05:26:34 pm

I didn't even think of this! but I agree IF someone I thought was in my corner the entire time turned on me i would feel completely betrayed

Meghan Giannettino

12/6/2012 10:11:53 pm

I feel the exact same way.

DAN MOTT link

12/6/2012 01:15:43 pm

I think the ultimate betrayl is when you know someone or is friends with someone for decades and then they disgard you like a piece of garbage. Friends are supposed to be there for you. It is just amazing how people can be your "friend" and then turn around and treat you like the years before never happened. The trust barrier would be broken. Not to mention, the person who got hurt will have trouble making new relationships. Sun Tzu once said, and I quote, "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." This is true. You keep your friends close and you expect them to be there for you, not that you half to keep them so close and keep an eye on them. Your friend should not be your enemy. Long term relationships whether romantic or friendhsips, whether it be normal or and Adele breakup and you set fire to the rain. Either way betrayl should not happen in this situation.

Lauren Barry

12/6/2012 01:45:33 pm

As many other people have stated the ultimate betrayal would be defying trust. The definition of trust varies from person to person, but what trust ultimately is is the ability to have confidence in relying on someone. Trust is not simply relying on someone because, truly, you can rely on anyone, but you never know if they will be there or not. Trust is different because if you are confident and sure that the person will be available at any necessary time, then you have successfully created a bond between yourselves that illustrates true trust. As several people have mentioned, trust is important in relationships because it builds the foundation of a friendship. As most people can recall, trying to be friends with someone who you cannot trust very rarely works out, nature just does not let positive relationships form without trust. This being said, the ultimate betrayal would be for lack of a better term, the loss of trust. Having someone whom you think you can rely on for anything you need, say your best friend or significant other, hearing from that one person that they are not available to help you can truly destroy a person. Yes there are special circumstances in which they may not be available, but the ultimate betrayal would be them choosing not to help you. The destruction of trust is probably one of the worst feelings in the world that one can come across and is most likely one of the leading causes of friend and relationship destruction.

Steve Mahoney

12/6/2012 02:03:46 pm

The ultimate betrayal. It has to be something that hurts someone very close to you. Everyone is saying trust, that ties into this idea. People like your friends and especially your family, know (or at least should) that you will have their best interests at heart. There is no reason that you should hurt someone close to you. For example, why would you purposely lie to someone in your family that loves you. There is no greater betrayal than to harm someone close to you for any reason. You need to be caring, trustworthy, and honest. That is why they are so close to you in the first place. What are other examples of things you shouldn't do? Be faithful, no lying, etc. Never betray your family because they will always be there for you no matter what.

Katie Mitch

12/6/2012 02:25:35 pm

In my opinion, the ultimate betrayal is when someone you trust the most, breaks that trust. The people you trust the most are usually the closest people to you. The ones that know absolutely every little detail and secret about you and are always there for you. You can confide in them and know they will not tell anybody and will not judge you. You let your guard down when you trust somebody, you are giving them everything in you, which makes you vulnerable. You think those people would never hurt you, or break the trust. And if they do break that trust you wouldn't be expecting it from them, which is why it hurts the most. It causes you to rethink everything about that person. And after that things may never go back to the way they used to. You will always have your guard up around that person and cause you to think twice next time you trust somebody so deeply.That is the ultimate betrayal to me.

Tim Osborn

12/6/2012 02:27:58 pm

The worst betrayal that I think I would face that would push me over the edge would be if someone harmed someone or some thing in my life and I found out. It would be even worse for them if they lied to me about it. For me it is really hard to form a strong trust bonds because I have trust issues and will be the first one to admit it. However, there are different levels of trust. For example you may have a friend that you would trust with anything you have, but you might know someone else who you wouldn't trust to watch your lunch if you had to get up to get something. Anyways back to the betrayal thing. When you put faith in someone to do something you build yourself up because "oh this is great I can do my other thing while this thing gets done". Then if you get betrayed you have a sinking feeling because you trusted that person to do something for you. Yeah if someone ate your lunch you won't feel as betrayed as if someone lost your dog. There are different levels that the different repercussions occur at. A more major thing could cause a bad day. Or even worse. A loss of a friend.

Justin Leone

12/6/2012 02:29:07 pm

Betrayal is a strong word and is associated with a lot of meaning. But to have betrayal, one must have complete trust and faith in a person and have it broken. To me, the biggest betrayal would be if my family or someone in my family, turned against me or other members of my family. For instance, if some kids at school were making fun of my sister and giving her a hard time and my 'imaginary' brother joined in, that would be like a slap in the face. Essentially anything that has to do with siding against the family, especially when it comes to serious matters, would be the biggest betrayal. Family is one of the most important things in the world. And sometimes that's all you have. Perhaps the second worst betrayal, or maybe even tied for number one, is cheating. If my wife ever cheated on me, that would be a huge disgrace and betrayal because of the personal trust invested. There may not be much worse than having someone you love or cherish, cheat on you.

Jackie Ortiz

12/6/2012 05:23:42 pm

In my opinion, the ultimate betrayal would be one that a person knows will definitely hurt the other and then still go about doing it. Although it is hard for me to imagine, if a family member or friend were to do something to jeopardize a strong relationship or opportunity that had potential to be great I really don't believe I could forgive them. I am the type of person who works extremely hard for anything that I wish to be mine or try to deserve. If I found out that a loved one out of spite stood in my way I would be very hurt especially if it was something I really cared for or wanted. For example, a bestfriend trying to break up your marriage is a breach of trust that would be unforgivable. not only is that person not truly your friend but if your husband chose to let them break it up he was no better. Now you are left with no one and a broken heart.

Meghan Giannettino

12/6/2012 10:10:47 pm

The worst thing that I consider to be the ultimate betrayal is cheating in a long term committed relationship; especial marriage. Because marriage is a life time trust partnership. Where you swear in front of witnesses to honor your vows you make to one another. I don't think this would ever happen but if one of my parents cheated on my other parent, I probably would not forgive them. Because they basically not only betrayed my parent, they betrayed our family. I would take me a lot to get over it; if I even would excepted them again. Or even a in a long term relationship I were in would still be considered a betrayal.

Alyssa Ferreone

12/6/2012 11:47:19 pm

I think the ultimate betrayal would have to be murder. Lying, cheating, or anything else I think is forgivable. It is very hard for me not to forgive a family member, however if they killed one of my other family members I don't know how merciful I would be towards them. You're family especially are people who you should be able to trust with your life and for them to take advantage of that would be the final time I would be able to trust them. Maybe after time and apologies I would be able to move on and forgive them but I don't think that trust would ever be renewed. It's hard to imagine killing one of your family members but some people just loose it. I like to think if I snapped and killed a family member my family would all forgive me one day so I try to practice what I preach in situations like these. I think we all know people that we sometimes feel like strangling even if they are family. This sort of ties in with the original blog assignment of having some insanity in everyone. I do think my family member killing someone else who I love would be the ultimate betrayal.

Amber Murray

12/7/2012 12:43:51 am

To me the ultimate betrayal would be by a family member. Friends can turn on someone at anytime but family is suppose to be there through everything. If someone in my family did something that truly hurt me or someone else I would not be ok with it. For example if one of my family members killed another person from my family, that would be the ultimate betrayal. No matter what family is suppose to be there through thick and thin but if they were to harm someone else in my family I don't think anyone would forgive them. My family is really small and from the most part really close, so for one to betray another would be very surprising. I was raised to put family first, so if an incident occurred where someone was harmed due to another family member I think I would be in shock. I don't know how anyone could go against there own blood. To me this would be the ultimate betrayal.

Jessica Fedak

12/7/2012 12:58:39 am

To me the ultimate betrayal would be to be abandoned by my family. In life your trust is betrayed by many people. You will gain and lose friends along with relationships. However, family is supposed to be there through everything. If any of my family members did anything to hurt me or one of my loved ones I would be devastated. I would lose all trust and respect I had for that person. Family is the one thing in life that is supposed to be infinite. I have trouble trusting a lot of people and in today's world trust is hard to come by. I know I can always trust my family. I love my them more than anything and the ultimate betrayal would be if they cut me out of their lives and/or hurt me or someone I love.

Victoria Marino

12/7/2012 01:15:24 am

To me, trust can come in all different shapes and sizes. Depending on the person and what they consider trust to be. Trust is very hard to find these days. You can never be too careful around everyone, especially people you consider your friends. At our age, gossip is something that most people do. We talk about our peers, whether it be in a good or bad way. Either way, it is still gossip and we are still discussing another person and their actions. Friends are always changing at this age and it is very hard to find true friends who you can tell anything and everything to. Friends and loved ones can easily betrayal you without wanting to or meaning to. One way to completely lose trust that would be the ultimate betrayal would be to expose anything I have ever told you thinking you wouldn't share with anyone. My secrets are sacred and called secrets for a reason so if someone were to tell them I wouldn't know how to forgive them. Another form of betrayal to me is lying. Even if it is the littlest, white lie, it is still lying and I consider lying to be going against my back and betraying me. I don't like liars and I don't forgive people for lying to me because it is a choice they are willing to make. Lie to me once and I will never trust you again.

Ally Caple

12/9/2012 03:11:17 pm

For me, this is an easy question to answer. I find that it's generally hard for me to trust people- I can count the number of people I completely trust on one hand. It only takes someone to share something I only wanted them to know for me to not trust them anymore. I don't have many secrets or personal things in my life, so when I do, I expect people to respect my privacy. A lot of times, people will say "well if you didn't want people to know, then why did you tell them?" But we all know that we need people to talk to, so we just have to make sure they're the right people to trust. I give a lot of second chances depending on how close I am with someone, but I don't hand them out like candy. About a year ago, I was in a situation with a friend of mine that relates to this topic completely. After handing out a few second chances, I realized this person would never change and needed to free myself from them. Since then, I've become more aware of who I can and can not trust. So yes, I consider spreading secrets (and then lying about it, if we want to take it further) the "ultimate betrayal." If you don't respect what I ask of you, don't expect me to respect you in return.

Christina M

12/10/2012 11:59:53 am

In my opinion the ultimate betrayal is stealing from friends/family. A family member once stole from me and I never felt so betrayed in my life. To make matters worse it was a family member. Someone I had an extremely close relationship with. Someone that I looked up to for my entire life. It was so upsetting knowing that someone that built up so much of my trust could loose it so quickly. It was so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that a family member could do such a hurtful thing.

That being said, if you fully trust someone you should make an effort to communicate with them if you need a favor instead of sneaking around and stealing. Stealing is wrong under any circumstance however stealing from a family member or a dear friend is without a doubt the ultimate betrayal.

Jeremiah Burr

12/13/2012 12:39:11 pm

The ultimate betrayal is whatever would harm you the most. Whether it would be a literal stabbing in the back or the exposing of a secret to which you never wanted let out. I think that the ultimate betrayal for me would be the total and utter destruction of my trust. It would take a lot for me to lose complete faith in someone but if some how someone managed to do so, then that would be the ultimate betrayal to me.

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